Thursday, 27 May 2010

nail polish

ok so im writting this 3ala ma my nail polish gets dry...

im not sure where this post is going coz usually i have something on my mind before i start writting,

3ala 6aree whats on my mind :

- i think im not normal, i prefer cloudy rainy cold weather as to sunny warm and summery

- i have no idea whether im going to pass or fail, i study so hard for a day then decide to take a weeks worth break... *thought of pass thrown out the window*

- i wish (wayed i wishat ib hal blog) ppl would stop saying how lucky i am to be living in the UK, i'd kill to have what u ppl have back home in Kuwait, walla il wa7d ma iy7s bl n3ma lain yafgdha

- in regards to the the above, u might ask ur self 3ayal why did she choose to be bl UK itha she'd kill to be bl Kuwait.. it's called "Money"... to make it u gotta have a degree, to make good money u gotta have a good degree, to have a good degree u gotta study at a good place... KU and all those private collages, unis or whatever their called... good? nope not good enough for me

-i'm not materialistic, bs hathee il dinya, i dont want to be with a man 10 years for now oo a5r il shahar ga3da a6r mna 3ashra, i want to give and take, mabee akoon 3ala 3ala a7ad

ummm ok it dried

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Me.

At times I feel like a traitor for not displaying how my parents have raised me.

I'm so proud of my siblings, although I'm the eldest I really wish I was more like them.

I tell myself that it isn't my fault, it's my surroundings... but shouldn't my personality be strong enough to withstand all the crap I go through?

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Alone.

Out of all the things I miss, I miss me the most.

Yes; I miss me, I miss my soul, my personality, my attitude, I miss everything that made me who I used to be.

It's not easy loosing who you are, whats harder is getting it back.

I thought I got me back, but no i didn't. I am in denial, covering up this horrible self with... denial.

Funny is what it is, what's left of me?

I did all what i thought I'd never do...

I want to be strong,
I want to be selfish,
I want to care about me and me only,
I want to live up to my expectations,
I want to be me...

I don't want to live for tomorrow and forget today,
I don't want to care about those who will not bring something into my life,
I don't want to lie,
I don't want to be something I am not...

I woke up happy today, thought I could actually make something out of it,

But that wasn't happiness, that was just a high; I high from exactly what I detest about myself...

I know whats right, and i know whats wrong...

I know what is expected of me...

I know what I want and I know how to get it.

But knowing itself is not enough, at this point I need more than knowing,,

I need that push, that wake up call...

I want to be left alone, alone to end what I started...

I want to be left alone,

Why is it I hurt those who would benefit the most from my isolation by just keeping to myself?

Alone,

Alone,

Alone.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Each Tear.

Each tear; There's a lesson...Makes you wiser than before,
Makes you stronger than you know,
Brings you closer to your dream......

Note to myself:
* I will not give up after coming so close.
* My head will stay high till the end.
* I'm doing this for me, and for me only.

If yesterday was bad, and today was worse, only I can make tomorrow better.

Ya Allah, My You Give Me The Strength and Dedication To Hold On Till The End.